The Life of a French Frog

Bonjour!
Tu are listening to a trés, trés, trés 'appy Pier today.Although, je suis always 'appy, but today je suis vraiment 'appy! Emily told me she loved me! I said ce back! We are 'as 'appy as deux frogs on un lily pad! It 'as been such a whirlwind romance, but c'est true love! Ahhhhhhhhhhh................
Dodgy Des can be mon best man. Il can probably get me un cut-price suit. What am je doing?! Je 'aven't asked her yet!
I should!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Next time you see me, I shall 'opefully be un engaged frog!!
Au revoir,
Pier (un excited froggy)

Bonjour!
Emily and I went on our second date hier soir.C'était trés, trés, trés, trés bien! Elle sembler to vraiment aime moi! Ahhh....
Dodgy Des brought moi ma fromage today. C'était 'orrible!C'était stank! I know fromage does smell, but this, it was vraiment 'orrid! It could have killed someone! I threw it dans le pond (it sank and 'it a few fish on le way to le bottom) and le pond reekeed! But le park ranger fished it out. Il thinks une human 'chav' (what is une of those?) threw it dans. Well, il never going to think a français frog threw it dans, will il?Oh, what petite imagination il a!
Au revoir,
Pier (un français fromage-throwing froggy)

Bonjour!

[ NOW ]
Current mood: Lovestruck........Ahhh!
Current music: Does crickets chirping count?
Current taste: Flies
Current hair: I 'ave no 'air, just skin
Current clothes: I wear no clothes....I am un frog
Current annoyance: Fishes below my lily pad
Current smell: Pond water
Current thing I should be doing: tidying my lily pad
Current windows open: I 'ave no windows, jusy un petite lily pad
Current desktop picture: a picture of a fly saying 'Mange Moi!' C'est marrant!
Current favorite band: Frognot a Dallas-based funk alternative rock band
Current book: Beatrix Potter's book The Tale of Mr. Jeremy Fisher
Current cd in stereo: None
Current crush: Emily le toad!
Current favorite celeb: Kermit le Frog

[ DO YOU.. ]
Smoke?: non
Do drugs?: non
Have a dream that keeps coming back? That je suis eating flies...yum!
Remeber your first love?: Oui, a frog named Sophie. She was 6, I was 9, the age gap was to grande!
Still love him/her? Non
Read the newspaper? Yes..Le Weekly Lily Pad
Have any gay or lesbian friends? Non
Believe in miracles? Oui!
Believe it’s possible to remain faithful forever? Oui!
Consider yourself tolerant of others? Oui
Consider love a mistake? Non!
Like the taste of alcohol?: Oui, oui, oui! Nothing better than a 20-year-old Français bottle of Pond Water
Have a favorite candy?: Wine Gums
Believe in astrology?: Oui
Believe in magic?: Oui
Believe in god?: Oui
Have any pets: Non
Go to or plan to go to college: Non
Have any piercings?: Non
Have any tattoos?: Non
Hate yourself: Never...you should always love yourself
Have an obsession?: Oui..Emily!
Have a secret crush?: Non, Emily knows!
Have a best friend?: Oui
Wish on stars?: Oui, every night

[ LOVE LIFE ]
Ever been in love?: Oui
When did you lose your virginity?: I cannot remember...us frogs 'ave 'orrible memories
Do you believe in love at first sight?: Oui
Do you believe in “the one?”: Oui
Describe your ideal significant other: A frog or toad. Je suis not picky.

[ETC]
Have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing?: I do not wear clothes, Je suis un frog
Have you ever been intoxicated?: Oui
Have you ever been caught “doing something?”: What does 'doing something' include....
Are you a tease?: Non, I know what I want and I do not lead anyone on
Shy to make the first move?: Non!

[ APPEARANCE ]
Hair: I 'ave no 'air, Je suis un frog
Eyes: Noir
Height: 7.9 cm

[ LAST THING.. ]
Bought: A drink from un frog bar
Ate & Drank: Flies et Pond water
Read: Blogs
Watched on TV: I own no T.V they are too grande for ma petite lily pad

[ EITHER OR.. ]
beer or cider: Beer
drinks or shots: Drinks
cats or dogs: None...they will both try to catch and/or mange moi.
single or taken: 'opefully taken soon!
pen or pencil: Pencil
gloves or mittens: They are both too grande for ma 'ands
food or candy: Flies
cassette or cd: CD
coke or pepsi: Pond water

[ WHO DO YOU WANT TO.. ]
kill: Flies so I can mange them...
get really wasted with: Kermit le frog
avoid: Animals who may mange moi

[ LAST PERSON YOU.. ]
saw: Emily...ahhhh!
talked to on the phone: I 'ave no phone, I 'ribbit' to communicate avec friends et family
hugged: my frog teddy while I slept
instant messaged: What?!
kissed: gave ma mère un peck on her cheek

[ HAVE YOU EVER.. ]
Drank alcohol?: Oui
Done drugs?: Non
Broken the law?: Non
Run away from home?: Non
Broken a bone?: Non
Played Truth Or Dare?: Non
Kissed someone you didn’t know?: Oui
Been in a fight?: Non
Come close to dying?: Oui

[ WHAT IS.. ]
Your bedroom like?: C'est une petite lily pad
Your favorite thing for breakfast?: Flies
Your favorite restaurant?: Flies et Food
What’s on your bedside table?: I 'ave non bedside table
What do you eat when you raid the fridge late at night?: I 'ave no fridge, I catch ma food
What is your biggest fear?: Emily not loving me!
Describe your bed: Comfy
Spontaneous or plain?: Spontaneous
Do you know how to play poker?: Non
What do you carry with you at all times? Spare Flies
How do you drive? I don't
What do you miss most about being little? Being able to 'op around without creaking
Are you happy with your given name? Oui, Pier is bien!
What color is your bedroom? Vert
Have you ever been in a play? Oui, Frogs (aime Chats, mais without le Chats
Do poor, homeless, or starving people sometimes annoy you? Non
Do you consider yourself to be a nice person? Oui

Au revoir,
Pier (a fully analysed froggy)

Bonjour!
This will only be un petite blog but I just want to...'ow you say?....RANT!This frog 'as ruined le bien name for frogs. Il 'as single-handedly made us le 'annoying things'. J'deteste Il! AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Please remember il is nothing aime a real frog. Il is made up. Please do not hate frogs parce que of 'im. PLEASE.

Au revoir et merci,
Pier (un non-annoying froggy)

Bonjour! Je suis dans amour!I 'ave spoke to Emily, and she aimes le same things! She adores 'opping et swimming et eating flies! Ahhh.....she 'as le most beau eyes. The are grande et vert like a mouldy pond. True Love!Je suis 'oping she will say 'oui' when I ask her to go to the 'Ivrogne Grenouille' avec moi. C'est un bar for frogs only. I 'ope she will aime it!
Au revoir,
Pier (un love-struck froggy)

Bonjour! Je suis bored.C'est raining over 'ere. Mon lily pad est drenched. C'est..'ow you say?...raining chats et chiens. Je ne pas care though, for I 'ave seen le most beau woman in le 'hole world!Elle est sapelle Emily. Elle est un English toad. Ahhh....elle est wonderful. Elle habite dans le lily pad next to mine. I shall try and talk to her, find out her interests. I 'ope she aimes eating flies. Yum!
Au revoir,
Pier (a froggy Casanova)

Salut! You will not believe what 'as just 'appened to moi! I went to le français restaurant like my copain Dodgy Des told moi to. It looked trés bien. On the outside. I went in and told le fake français waiter (he 'ad le most 'orrible fake accent j'ai ever 'eard!) I was 'ere for a interview. He nodded and took moi to la cuisine.OH MON DIEU!C'est 'orrid! It turned out le chef only wanted moi for my fine français grenouille jambes! Imagine...serving français frogs legs as food? C'est sick! I shall never speak to Dodgy Des again! Il est 'orrid! I will just take the français fromage I ordered off him and leave. Probably 'asn't ordered it anyway. Il est un menteur!
Au revoir
Pier (a froggy hero)

Bonjour! Je m'apelle Pier. Je suis un français grenouille. Je suis savoir l'anglais. Oh, pardon! I must stop talking in français! I 'ave just moved to Angleterre from my 'ome town of Berck-sur-mer. Ahhhh.....it is un beau ville. But sunny Burnley is just as bien...ish. I 'ave so far secured myself a home, a petite lily pad dans le étang outside of Townley Hall. C'est ravissante! Almost as bien as my old lily pad back 'ome. Everything seems OK in Angleterre. The weather est nul, mais je don't care. Oh, I must go, I 'ave un job interview at a kitchen. Something about un french menu. My new copain Dodgy Des (I do not know why he has that name) said I would be able to contribute to le menu. He was unclear 'ow, but what is le worst that could 'appen?
Au revoir,
Pier